Update from yesterday's test

Well I figured I'd better not make people wait too long for an update following my doctor's appointment in Chapel Hill yesterday. The blood test showed that my platelets went up to 65 from 58 but, considering the low point is supposed to be around 150, that's still very low. White blood cell count was 1.7 and the red blood cell count and hemoglobin both went down again, further explaining my present fatigue and "loopiness". So... On the 21st I will have a bone marrow biopsy (supposed to be fun, they stick a needle into your pelvis bone) to determine if 1) a new primary cancer, like leukemia or some other blood cancer, has developed; or 2) I do indeed have metastases from the breast cancer or 3) I don't have bone marrow cancer issues at all but some other problem bringing my counts down. Doc believes 2 is most likely. The benefit to knowing more about what's going on in my bone marrow is that it theoretically brings in other treatment possibilities. Dr. Muss is going to talk to the blood oncology docs at UNCCH between now and my next appt with him. Unfortunately, at this point, there are not many, if any, treatment options that are likely to improve my health picture. As I mentioned before, the docs will not give me chemo with blood counts this low because almost any chemo will suppress my bone marrow and bring the counts down even more. The only chemo that does not suppress the marrow is Xeloda which I have already crossed off my list by trying it in February 2010 and having Dr. Muss and I determine that it did not work for me. Doctor Muss also said that my body has responded to all of my treatments the way women's bodies used to respond to BC in the olden days when they did not have any treatments. In other words, everything has failed! Boy that was uplifting. So continued prayers please. The doc was shocked that I have not gotten infected with anything while having a WBC count at 1.7. He said I must have "reserves" keeping me from getting sick. This whole picture is scary to me because my father's blood counts started tanking right before he ended up in the ICU with complications from stage IV lymphoma last year. Damn this cancer!!!! More sad news -- the traveling Hosfords canceled our European cruise for next year :( Money is tight with me not working and, to be frank, if I'm not around in July 2012 I am not sure Geoff and the girls would want to go on that trip (planned entirely by me) without me. I'm supposed to go to a conference in Baltimore at the end of this month put on by Johns Hopkins about new treatments for MBC but we will see. Probably not the best thing to get on a plane with these counts. I feel like the boy in the bubble movie from the 70s..... I am living by this gem from Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all that you do and he will show you which path to take. And also Romans 8:28: And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. I keep leaning on the same Bible verses because I cannot memorize very many other ones ;) I do know that all of this health mess fits into God's big movie epic somehow. I don't have Jennifer Anniston's part but maybe the part of some extra on the set. I don't know what that overall plan is but I guess I don't have to know. I'd be ok with all of this if it wasn't for Geoff and the girls. Hope asked me last week why God hadn't healed me when we've been praying for complete healing of my body for years now. Now isn't that a tough question to answer. Ugghh. Love and peace, Sofie