Chemo Hell...

Well, it finally happened. I scooted through my first round of chemo (TAC) in 2007 pretty well. Had some nausea and fatigue. Nothing like what happened last Thursday night.

I was literally up all night vomiting. (sorry folks, this is graphic). Probably threw up 10 times. My throat got so swollen from the vomiting that only today, four days later, can I swallow without extreme pain. I have never been that sick in my life and I hope I never get that way again. What happened? I don't know.

See, when I started the Taxol/Avastin treatment, my oncologist told me that there was only a small chance of getting any nausea. I did not receive any anti nausea meds that I got in 2007, the really good expensive ones like Aloxi or Emend. I have some Zofran left over from other treatments but that could not face the big bad heaves I had Thursday night. I literally slept all night with my head in the toilet because I could not move. The next few days (until today) my head was banging all day long. Really, this is the chemo we've all heard about from the old days that makes everyone so scared to get chemo. I honestly can't believe that this low-dose Taxol/Avastin (and the Avastin is not supposed to cause ANY nausea or vomiting) would make me sicker than the high-dose Adriamycin I got a few years ago. They call that stuff the red devil because it's so bad. ANYWAY, enough talk about puke.

So, I got my head shaved last week. My lovely, dear husband got his shaved at the same time for camaraderie. He's so awesome. I've not sported my Penelope Cruz wig left. It's here and it's lovely but it needs some time with a pair of scissors and an expert at cutting wig hair. Then, I'll break it out with some cool outfit. It makes me feel like I'm 25 because the hair literally goes past the middle of my back. I've never had my hair that long! It's fun and a nice diversion from being ill.

Well folks, off to rest. Please keep those meals coming. We appreciate and love them! Just so you know, we all eat red meat! I gave up being a vegetarian in college. One week, we had about 8 chicken meals and I do NOT want to sound ungrateful, I TRULY appreciate the effort of cooking a meal because I am not cooking now. When I try to cook, I exhaust myself. I know how hard it is to shop for the food, find the recipe, blah, blah. But we can eat red meat and soups too. I know Hadley's allergies make things confusing but it's easiest to start from the ground up. Pick a main ingredient (ie meat) and add to it. Ok, I'll shut up now because I don't want to sound ungrateful. Sometimes I am too blunt.

As a last note, should be the first note, I've chosen my "one word" and it is surrender. I am going to try and surrender my life, my health, my $ issues, all of it, to God. I know that's what we're meant to do but it is easier said than done.

Love to all,
Sofie